I was chatting to a friend who’d done everything it takes to move abroad, short of… well, moving abroad.
He’d lawyered-up and figured out the ideal structure to shelter his assets offshore. He’d set up a company in a Dubai free-trade zone. He’d toured international schools for his kids.
That was back in 2023. But he’s still here. Because at the 11th hour, he and his wife both got cold feet.
It wasn’t that the prospect of moving suddenly filled him with nostalgia for scraping ice off the car in the dark at 7am, or that he had a moment of “shit how am I going to live without Greggs?” clarity. It was the reason that stops so many people: family.
Because like most people making this decision, he’s in the sandwich years. While his kids might have access to incredible international schools, their friends aren’t there. And while his parents are able to fly out regularly to visit now, that might start getting tricky in 5-10 years.
Does that mean all that researching and planning was a waste of time and money, pursuing some silly fantasy? As I said to him – I don’t think so at all.
Because we all grumble about tax and weather, and keep looping back to whether the grass is greener (or skies bluer) as an expat. But the only way to know if you’re actually going to leave – if the trade-offs are worth it for you – is to go through the process.
In the abstract, yeah you’d love to pay 40% less tax and spend every day in flip-flops – but it’s never a “no downsides” situation. Staring down the barrel of a one-way flight is the only way to find out for sure if it’s something you want to do.
And whichever way you decide, it’s valuable. Because you end up either sipping cheap Portuguese beer while smugly re-reading your tax return (I imagine), or staying put and feeling good about it because it’s a decision you’ve actively made.
At that point, you can stop complaining – out loud or just in your own head – about the crap the government is wasting your money on, about how the trains never work, about whatever. Because sure, it’s true… but still, you’ve decided there’s no better option for you right now, so moaning about it is entirely pointless.
But this is always going to be a “not now” rather than “not ever” decision. So how do you avoid re-opening it in your head every time you get in a grump?
I’d propose two mental gates:
- Personal: Promise yourself you won’t consider it again until a set amount of time has passed, or an event has happened (like kids finishing school)
- Situational: Come up with a short list of outside factors that would change your mind (like a certain tax or political decision), and ignore everything that’s not on the list.
I’ve been through the same thought process – in my case, just through lengthy Claude chats rather than any actual field trips, but it was enough for me to count that door as closed for now. I love living in London, and my family is here. That life comes at a cost. But every time I catch myself complaining, I remind myself: you’ve chosen this.
Then I can go back to focusing on what’s good, not what I wish was different.
(Note to HMRC if you’re reading: there is a limit, OK?)